Call it Magic, or Witching...The art of Womanhood

Recipe: Rachel's English Toffee- Candy is magic just watch what heat can do to sugar.
1 cup butter 
1 1/3cup white sugar
1 Tbs. corn syrup
3 Tbs. water
pinch of salt
Combine above in a medium sauce pan at medium high heat- no smaller than 2 quarts. Stir to combine then place candy thermometer on the side and watch the magic happen. You will be boiling this mixture up to 300 degrees f. So take your time to get a pan prepped.  On a baking sheet with sides, place a silicon baking mat (ungreased), or a layer of tin foil/ parchment (greased). Rough chop your 1/2 to 1 cup nuts of choice- it is whatever you like so make them good. These can be toasted in a pan if you wish, or in the microwave if you would like them to be a little more prominent in the finished result. Get out 1 cup of chocolate chips, and put it to the side. I prefer semi sweet or dark, but milk is fine if that is what you like. 
When the candy is approaching 300 swirl the pan to spread the caramelization, once it looks like a brown paper bag, remove from the heat, our over nuts on prepared pan, dot with chocolate and let cool. The end. Yum


I never realized until I became a mother, how much women create every day. Knowing that men live in this world too, and have to make their portion work, I am sure they engage in a form of creation as well. However, I have no perspective on this, so you are in for why girls have been named witches from the evolution of society beyond the family unit.

I was snuggling my little man this morning, before the trees' shadows reappeared, and found it amazing that he believes so deeply in my power to protect him, that he fell asleep. As a mom I have been attributed the powers of creating a world that would be unrecognizable beyond the walls of my home. It is one where potions are made and administered to heal and comfort (from hot chocolate to cough syrup). Vapors from a humidifier calm a cough through the night. Stuffed animals have names and personalities. Bandages of words, and lullabies brace my little ones from, tears, and nightmares.

So where does a woman learn how to create the magic that surrounds her?

Have you ever been around someone who draws you in with each phrase? Making you believe in yourself, in your goodness, and the greatness that is still being nurtured in your soul. This is what leaders do. This is what Christ did. What He begs us to learn how to do in this life to help lift and pull His children along, that He may ransom them.

How can we learn how to lift, carry, and create in the way that will change the world? We start with one choice. The first choice we make every morning, the first choice we make when confronted by difficulty. IT is the choice to be a hero, reframe a situation, to be happy, and to create the reality that will actually benefit someone in this every perilous world.  We do this when we choose to be happy. We do this when we choose to not retaliate, or react to the hard situations stare back at us with seething eyes.

NOT EASY.

But we have each seen it. It is in the grocery store in the check out line, as someone is far more patient than they should be. It is discovered in the smile of the friend in the midst of his/her own Gethsemane. It is in the small remembrance left by the family who has a budget that is already taxed on both ends.  So how do they each do it? They choose to focus away from themselves.  The farther the focus is away from the self, the more likely the person is able to create magic in their every encounter.

But why?

Magic is not the neglect of the lens by which which the world is seen. Most magic occurs when a situation is put in the correct light, from correct angle, and a simple willingness to believe.
So first laugh. Find the humor in yourself, your life, and be willing to allow others to enjoy the comic moment with you.

Second, listen to the good intentions your beautiful mind and heart put before you.  Camille Spencer said, "Never repress a generous thought."  Why? Because those thoughts will put you in the path of those who need you, and will help you to reflect the light that is in your eyes.  What does light do?  It brings things into perspective, and allows you to see that you just participated in a momentous miracle. Thus, you will understand and gain confidence in your ability to change the world and be willing to participate in the creating of magic.

Third, pay attention. Most magic doesn't come from a lack of practice. Watch those who draw others in . Watch how they listen, praise, and consider what is being said. They are invested in the engagement of thoughts, and words. They aren't trying to figure out how they can out shine the person in the spotlight, but asking real questions. They are putting forth the effort to understand, not just take up space and breathe air ( a pretty lame existence from which anyone would contemplate the purpose of life). Because they have seen magic they don't need to participate in puffing out their chests and displaying their colors ( there is a time and place for that), but take time to appreciate the colors and patterns before them. In turn, this creates magic. The confidence in another to go out and participate in their dreams, realities, and future. Because they have been recognized for what they are. An absolutely incredible being. Who will maybe approach life a little less fearfully, because they were listened to, smiled at, or admired for that critical moment they needed to continue on their epic adventure of life.

Christmas

When I was a little girl, I knew very early the truth about Santa and Christmas and the whole thing. Still I was asked to sit on the lap of an older gentleman in a red suit and tell him what I would like for Christmas.
                  BTW this tradition is kind of weird in this day and age that kids still are asked to sit on a                     stranger's lap and ask for things. I love tradition, but the fact that this one has survived the                   "Me Too", the scandals across media and politics, and everything else that has been spat at                    by public opinion; is either amazing or a testament to our greed as a society. Maybe it our                    hope that the spirit of hope, and giving that is embraced by St. Nick is still alive for one                        month of the year, even when the other 11 months it seems to be in hibernation. (Please                        forgive my snarkiness, I have lost a lot of faith in the fate of humanity without Heavenly                      Father this year.

In my family, my mom is notorious for finding Christmas all year long. This is not a bad thing per se, but always made the answer to Santa's question more of a, "Whatever you want to give me." far more practical than an object. Why? Because my parents went all out for Christmas and we got presents that we hadn't even thought possible for Christmas. Asking for something they hadn't already hidden away just seemed greedy.

But one year, when I was 10 or 11 I asked Santa for something....fresh flowers. Because I was a middle child, an oldest girl, and lots of responsibility fell on me. I just wanted even that image of Santa to not recognize me as one of the 'girls' or the 'Picketts'. I needed to be Rachel. For one moment in time, I wanted Santa/ my parents to think of me, not as a part but as a person. Guess what? the flowers came. Christmas Eve they were delivered and everything. I put the beautiful bouquet of purples and pinks in the entry way.(I did find it odd that it was not Christmas colors, but that was my mind back then).

Thus, my plea for all of us this year. Recognize one person everyday for the rest of the year. Treat someone like a human, with hopes and dreams, not just an employee, a child, a colleague, or another member of some group we participate in. See each other, for the glorious creatures that they are. Realize that even the darkest countenance once had light, and hopes, and faith in something greater than themselves.  Allow them to be as different as the snowflakes that are falling around the country at this time of year.

Will this make a difference? Yes. It may not change them, but it will at least let them feel seen in the hectic rush of the Christmas season. I can suggest it will change you. It will get you off your phone in the checkout line. It will encourage you to smile, to nod, to ask questions, and to be a little more kind.

Merry Christmas.

Lessons from the Night Sky

As the weather turns cooler, the night sky seems to be penetrate the cold a little better. Maybe this is just my perception, or maybe the heat of the summer diminishes the lights just a bit. No matter, I love when the jackets have to come out for an evening walk, because it means that the heavens seem aglow with the constellations smiling down on me. 

My kids were watching a show this weekend. In this episode the heroes they had to reflect the available light to dispel the darkness. As I considered this principle, I thought how true. Elder Hales sated in the May 2002 Ensign:

“Light and darkness cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Light dispels darkness. When light is present, darkness is vanquished and must depart. More important, darkness cannot conquer light unless the light is diminished or departs.”

So if we take this principle, and put it into practice in our lives, we will seek light. One concept that has been impressed upon my mind from my early years is how we don't need to know how to produce light yet. Like the moon, we can be effective in all we are called to do by learning to be a better mirror, a better reflector of Christ. I love this picture in my mind, because I can see that as I remove dirt from my various parts, I can be better at reflecting Him in all I do. But even if I just let Him help me clean small parts, I am still better at fighting the darkness than before. This makes me happy. Perfection is not necessary to be contributing, and thank goodness for that. 

Next I look to the stars. These tiny fragments in the firmament seem really quite insignificant by any standard when it comes to illuminating anything. Nonetheless, when used with skill, experience, and knowledge, they can help guide through any night. Mariners from the beginning have used the stars to guide them to safety. It is truly a matter that small and simple things can confound the wisdom of men.

In Alma 37:6 it says:   Now ye may suppose that this is ^afoolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by ^bsmall and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

For me the stars help me to remember to not discount those easy thing in life that might not make total sense at first. It is okay for me not to understand the rotations of the earth, the process of creation, or string theory; but I am expected to use and put into practice what i do know for the betterment of others. Any constellation is of little worth if it is not constantly giving light to others, no matter the number of lumens it produces. That tiny contribution dispels darkness just a little more; thus, making the world a little brighter and better.

Finally, the sun. Man would have never thought to create, fire, lanterns, or light bulbs if we did not have the Son/ sun to emulate. I put both homonyms because they are both applicable. Personally, I don't believe any mortal stroke of genius is not the fruit of being in touch with the divine.  Nor would man have contemplated being able to brighten the world without seeing the dawn break each morning. The light of the sun is gives life to all things through its energy. As does our Savior Jesus Christ give us life. The brightness of the sun is that we can not behold it with the mortal eyes. How glorious must the creator of that light be in person? 

Now the days are shorter. The leaves are falling or gone. It is apparent we yearn for every ray of sunlight just a bit more, to warm our hearts and souls each day. When doing those small and simple things, don't get discouraged. Remember, no matter your output it will make a difference.

Smile and Savour the good in life.

Brownie

The Importance of Wisdom

Every moment of my day, I am surrounded by information. More facts, figures, and statistics are at my finger tips than even the most experienced librarian in the library of congress 30 years ago. It is scary. Even my young kids know how to get Alexa to look up information, pictures, and queries for them. But what is the use of all of this knowledge?

When I was in grade school I remember a parent drawing a simple graph on the board.
 (I went to an awesome school, that made parents teach something they knew to the class every year. This practice led to study of music history, art history, Greek, logic, different books, class plays, and various crafts that normally you see in specialty shops, not the classroom)
The bottom line had a very small slope and seemed to creep across the page making very little progress over time. 
Forgive the ugly not totally representative graph. Think directionality.

This was the line for wisdom. The other line dipped down a bit but then rose at an exponential rate. The giant gap between these two lines is what concerns me.  What good is all the knowledge in the world if we refuse to use it appropriately and make good decisions with it? All of those facts and stats have no purpose if we refuse to use some common sense.

As I have been speaking to my friends among the youth of my church, I have found that they worry that they are not the smartest, fastest, or best in their field of interest. This is a valid concern. No one wants to not be the best at what skills they plan to make their living. Yet, I am more concerned that none of their teachers has ever communicated the need to not just be good at a subject, but also the ability to explain the subject efficiently. Or the talent for explaining the subject to people without the field of interest. Or the acumen to see holes in the information, that would leave room for greater innovation.  Or the ability to coordinate the intelligence of that subject matter with every other aspect of commerce.

We have driven these kids to worry about, STAR, ACT, SAT, PSAT, and the like but not given them any real expectation of what work will look like. How many of you have to take a test at work to show that you retained the information at your last meeting? IF not was that information not important? Should you have wasted your time in the meeting at all? Why are high-schooler prepared to take tests and not prepared to use the knowledge they are tested on effectively?  The new graduates are not taken to well, when they try to impose text books upon the real world.

So what can be done? The schools are convinced, at least in TX, that every moment kids have the opportunity to be in school, that there is no better place for them to be. I detest this legislative sentiment. Give me a break, you really think that a kid who has memorized the Gettysburg Address will not have it sink in better among the fall leaves at the battlefield? Does the government think that any class when brought to life by real world experience can't become pertinent, necessary and even interesting for its' own sake? This is annoying.

Even after I am long out of college I find the most captivating people I talk to are those who have lived through difficulty and put knowledge to practice. This resulted in a greater reservoir of wisdom from which to draw upon for the rest of their lives. Furthermore, the people who are best able to captivate me, are those who cant rely on anyone else to solve their problems. They have to tread new paths, figure things out, and apply every ounce of their acquired knowledge to make things have a chance to work out--sometimes they still don't.

I guess the purpose of this post is a plea to start helping kids see natural consequences in every day situations. Things like dropping water and what happens allow a kid to see gravity and the properties of water in a different light.  They might start looking beyond a formula of H2O and a spectrometer.
They might consider the real consequences of power hungry monarchs, the cost of war, or the weight of saving even one life. Please allow your own life to put your knowledge into practice and develop wisdom, so the next generation will know who they can turn to for some perspective.

Fight the good fight. Forgive the rant.  Over the last two months I have been busy learning sugar free baking an cooking. Here is all that information put to good use.

Keto Cheesecake 

Place eggs and cream cheese on counter for at least 2 hours, or 4 hours. If not possible place foil wrapped cheese and eggs in large bowl of warm water for 30 minutes.

Crust

2 cups almond meal or flour

1/2 cup butter melted

1/2 tsp cinnamon or ginger

3-4 Tbs. Erythritol or monk fruit granulated 

If using unsalted butter add 1/4 tsp. salt

Put all ingredients, in the order listed, in a medium size bowl. Mix until looks like wet sand. Press into 9 in springform pan bottom covered with wax/ parchment paper, and grease the whole pan.place in the fridge while making filling.

Preheat oven 350 but place cake pan half filled with water on the lower shelf. This helps keep the temperature and humidity in the oven.

Custard

32 oz cream cheese room temp- 4 8 oz. packages

4 eggs minus one white - save for egg scramble 

1 cup monk fruit sweetener 

1 Tbs lemon juice, plus the zest of said lemon- can use tsp lemon powder for zest

1-2 tsp vanilla extract 

Place the cream cheese in bowl of a stand mixer- or large bowl with electric mixer ready. Turn on mixer until blocks of cheese are not distinguishable. Then with mixer running add sweetener, mix until just incorporated. Turn off mixer add lemon and vanilla. Then add the single egg yolk and turn on mixer. Add the eggs one at a time one afterward just as the last as the last just gets mixed in. Turn off mixer scrape sides and mix for 10-20 seconds so it is all one color. 

Pour custard into crust put in oven for 40-47 minutes ( I am close to sea level for higher altitudes it might take 5 more minutes). Edge should be set, with center still wiggly. Turn off oven leave open with a towel for at least 30 minutes. Remove, continue to cool. Run butter knife around the edge to release the crust. Then refrigerate for at least 4 hours. Unmold and eat. Store well covered in fridge.

Recipe from Brown Bird kitchen.

Smile and Savour.

SILK

So a while back I had the impression that women were not to be hard as the world would have us believe. Rather the purpose of women on the earth is to be the binding soft threads that provide warmth, comfort, and strength in the times when others are looking around for hope.
In this impression I came upon some of the very interesting properties of natural silk.

For instance, did you know that silk can be warm when it is cold and cold when it is warm? It is one of the strongest natural fibers on earth. It breathes. Like women silk is a long list of seeming contradictions that work so well together. Though sweet we can be fierce. Although delicate in nature, we are strong of mind, body, and spirit. We can keep our cool and light fires under others in the exact same moment. In total we are meant to be the contradictions.

Upon this research I was curious as to how silk actually developed and was produced. The initial fibers are made by a caterpillar.  One that lives on the leaves of the mulberry bush in China. In the beginning, smuggling these bugs out was a capital offense, because of the value of the silk trade. The trade route between Europe and Asia has been coined the "silk  road". A journey that was not just topographically treacherous, but also beset with bandits willing to destroy life. Only those of royal lineage were allowed to wear the beautiful fabric, to further set it apart.

The larvae that give rise to this caterpillar must increase in size 10,000 xs. In the process shedding 4 different skins which feed local wildlife. All this before creating a beautiful cocoon spun of the finest natural thread known to man. This cocoon according to entomologists can produce nearly 1000 yards of silk filament. That is just amazing.

In considering this, I think how much each of us feel we grow/ have grown through the past days, or years. Often leaving behind the people we once were and becoming at every turn. Do we in the process see the changes that take place in our own selves? The bad habits that fall away, the empathy that develops, and the skills that are acquired and perfected; all because we were willing to continue the journey. The beauty of our's and the moth's lives are found as life is unwound in the heat of challenge and trial.( The cocoons are harvested and can only be undone by bathing them in boiling water. ) Once the thread is put onto spools it can be woven, dyed, and draped into the most desired garments on earth. Ever beautiful in the shine and drape inherent in the new fabric. 

I had a dear friend report that she had become undone of late. Having been there, and knowing the fear that accompanies that state of being, I just wanted to hold her. I wanted to tell her that it is in unwinding that new greatness is found. The real problem is that being undone doesn't become less scary, but with faith, hope, and trust it gives you the courage to move on.

The Doctrine and covenants states in the 18th section verse.

22 And as many as repent and are baptized in my name, which is Jesus Christ, and endure to the end, the same shall be saved.

The same sentiment is repeated especially in the New Testament and in Psalms. Enduring anything is hard. We each have a story, a trial, or a wound that no one can adequately address. For the last 2 years mine has been pain. The experience, the fearing the next onset, the loss of capability to accomplish my goals because of it has been so real. I don't know if it is coming back soon. But I have learned so much about love, and trust in these passing years. I have learned that we can be given any gift we sincerely ask for--even ten minutes to finish a task, or an hour to make dinner.  We can pray about those little things because the God I know is not one of revenge, or hurt, but a tender Father. One who wants to make every trial we have more endurable through His constant love notes sent across the universe in the form of tender mercies, and tiny miracles. 

Being undone does not diminish the strength of the silk. Being put through the heat and boil water, does not destroy its inherent shiny and glow. It is in the undoing that potential is and can be realized. From a simple thread to a dyed flowing garment, capable of a remarkable things. It becoming something sought after by designers, and admired in the pages of magazines. 

While I would hate to be in a magazine, and am so much happier behind the scenes. I have to admit that looking back and seeing what has become of my metamorphosis, gives me more hope. For every time I feel as if my life has been obliterated, I have trust that everything will be okay. The garment produced will have greater purpose than a temporary home, that will make food for lizards. 

We are meant to be more than lizard food. We are meant to be vibrant works of art. Let each be brave enough to be the vibrant shade of lime green, merlot, or plum you are becoming. Be gorgeous in your honesty. Glorious in your goodness, and vibrant in your vivacity.

Smile and Savour 

The Life Changing Spark

People come into our lives everyday. Some of them are there for eternity (for better or worse:).  Some of them for such a fleeting moment, that we having evidence of their existence is hard to find.

I just finished a book about a theory of why Andrew Carnegie became the first billionaire philanthropist. If you have ever visited a public library, he was the first to create libraries that were free to the public. Thus, allowing all classes and origins access to an education, one of the pivots that Americans can change their stars.

This shroud businessman was known for not missing opportunities to expand his influence in the American economy, was somewhat ruthless. He amassed a grand fortune for his family by taking advantage of any upper hand he could attain.  Then one day in December 1868 at the age of 33 he wrote himself a letter explaining that he was going to focus on improving the impoverished classes.
      (The book is a fun novel by Marie Benedict, "Carnegie's Maid")

As I closed the cover on the book, I reflected on how many people have come in and out of my life. Some without incident, and others with a profound impact that changed my course for good.  Many of these people have no idea that they have had any impact on our future course of life, yet without their influence on our lives we would be less than we are.

One of the early sparks in my life was Liz. She was my oldest brother's girlfriend. I know odd connection. Liz was one of those people who was confident, and vibrant in every way. She became an almost sister to me, and even helped my mom out after the two had broken up. Liz was the first person who called me out on my crap. When I was a teenager, I was very good at sizing people up and criticizing/ putting down their very essence. Yes, I must have been a dream for my parents.
While out at a greasy spoon, Liz turned to me after I had exacted the perfect put down, and told me that what I had said was mean not funny. The admonition was short and to the point, but well needed. From that time on instead of focusing on things I didn't like about others, I made an effort to focus on any little trait that was Christlike, or good. In this pursuit I started giving compliments to people I encountered. I started seeing the good in the world, and the good in myself (middle school was really bad for me). This led to me taking better care of myself, and becoming a person, not just a moody teen. Liz and my brother parted ways, I went to college eventually, and we all lost touch. She is still one of my treasured people because of the impact she had in my life.

People are part of our earthly education. It is okay to accept them into our lives even if it is for a day, a month, or a year. May you meet everyone in your path who can help you adjust your path to become who you hope to be.

PS. I finally, reconnected with Liz after almost 20 years. She is more herself now than I remember, unabashedly Liz.  She has lived to not stop becoming and dreaming.

For today's recipe here is the first cookie recipe I created on a napkin in a restaurant.
PB Jumbos's- these can be made full size or jumbo size smaller preheat 350 larger 325

Whisk together
2 cups flour
1/2 tsp Baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
Melt Together separately
5TBs Butter
7 TBS Peanut butter (commercial I use creamy)
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tsp. ginger

stir melted mixture, then add
1 egg+1 egg yolk
1 tsp vanilla
then add dry ingredients

1/4 cup for jumbos six to a pan 15-18 minutes. Press down with a fork or the back of a pancake turner
2 T for normal 7-9 minutes. press down with a fork.
I like to roll my portions and then press them down. you can top with sanding sugar or chopped peanuts.

Smile and Savour :)

It's all Greek to me...

When I was in elementary school we didn't learn, Spanish,  Chinese, Or French; We learned Greek.

You see at the time each parent ( set of parents) in the class was required to contribute to the class in one way or another throughout the year. Some parents did parties, some did mini career days, but many taught us what they were learning, or what they knew.

This made for some very cool/ albeit different exposures as a kid. We learned music history (thanks mom), logic (I still adore logic puzzles), and Greek. In the course of 1st-3rd grade my small class learned basic Greek.  One of my friends was the Greek Orthodox minister's son, and his mom was taking Greek lessons to enrich herself--what a great example of you are never past the state of seeking an education.

Each week she faithfully came into the class and taught us everything from alpha to omega. She even secured pen-pals for us in Greece, awesome mom, for us to write to in greek. Mostly these were form letters, but we learned.

On Easter she through a Greek style celebration with foods that at the time were so foreign, and some were even off putting. Nick's mom never made us try anything, but she worked so hard, and loved us in a way that I think we always tried to enjoy everything presented to us.

If you don't know me personally, let me explain that I lived in a very sheltered bubble. One where one culture seemed to pervade almost everything else, but because of this style of classroom we each were introduced to new cultures, traditions, and ways of doing things. That didn't mean that we had to adopt these ways of doing things, but it made cultures that weren't our own more familiar, less scary, and approachable.

Since moving to Dallas (among the 10 married moves plus those before I married), we have been blessed to be surrounded by friends and neighbors from completely different backgrounds. New cultures, heritages, beliefs, and educations, yet I have found that individually I have more in common with these strangers than I do with people from back home. We don't have to agree on everything to enjoy each others' company and perspective.

What a delightful discovery, that people who have so little in common, can have enlightening conversations, and good times. These are the people that I know have my back, listen to my worries and concerns, and lift me when I am losing hope. They are blessings to me in so many ways. So a fun challenge today, recognize someone who is not in your circle.

If your well is empty, then give away a smile, or a kind word. If you are blessed with a full well, give away the talent or time, that is your endowment. We all have something amazing to contribute to the conversation, to the fabric, and to the community that is unlike any other. We are Americans. Each with a beautiful heritage which could separate us, make us fear, or even hate the other, but what makes this place a refuge from the storm is that every individual can be ________American.  Honor your heritage, in honoring each other.  Smile and savor.


In honor of a culture that I got a small taste of years ago here are my two favorite recipes to make your normal foods taste a little more Greek.  These recipes are simple, and require a minimal prep. The hummus recipe requires a good blender or food processor.

Tsatziki Sauce

Servings: 3 cups

• 1/2 English cucumber peeled
• 1 tub Cold plain Greek yogurt (either full fat or fat free will work)
• 4 cloves garlic pressed
• 1/3 cup chopped dill fresh or frozen- 1Tbs dried
• 1 1/2 Tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice Juice of 1/2 lemon; please squeeze a real lemon
• 1/2 tsp salt or to taste
• 1/8 tsp black pepper

Grate and drain cucumber. Combine everything together. Stir, taste, add more salt or lemon or pepper according to taste.

Hummus

2 cups canned garbanzo beans or 2 cups cooked garbanzo beans, drained

• 2 tbs natural creamy peanut butter/ tahini
• 1⁄4cup lemon juice (about one lemon)- You can also zest the lemon for more flavor.
• 1teaspoon salt
• 2garlic cloves, halved
• 1tablespoon olive oil- you may need to add more to get the smoothest consistency
• 1pinch paprika
• 1teaspoon minced fresh parsley

Blend until silky smooth. THis may be more than you think. Blend one more time past what you think is adequate.

The purpose of salt.

So, my last grandparent is slowly passing away.  I have watched my dear mom try and walk through the trenches of hurt, pain, grief and loneliness from which it seems there is no escape.  These feelings are real, and valid, especially in a situation where a loved one is moving on without therest of us. President Dieter F Uchtdorf said:

In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.

Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless13and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny.  ‘Grateful in any Circumstance’, April 6, 2014, general conference.

This made me think that the endings to dreams, hopes, loss of connection, loneliness, abuse, loss of trust, and the missing of loved ones who have passed on; all can contribute to the sense of disheartening, deficiency in anyone not just those with obvious reasons to greive. Yet these hurts can be consuming to the point of destroying any remaining magic that life holds. How can each of us catch the glimmer of light from the depths of pain? These aren’t wounds that can be mended in an ER, nor can they be worked away through hours of hard labor or devoted service (though I fully endorse giving service to help get through rough points in life). Friends may reach out in the most sincere gestures possible, yet the reality of being broken is the only truth that is tangible in life at times.

In Luke 4:18 Christ reads to the masses a passage from Isaiah and states:

18 The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,

Aren’t we all captives of something in our lives? No individual can escape this life without bruising. Thankfully, Jesus was not born to perform a limited Atonement. It was not one that would just forgive, or conquer death. This was indeed to be an “infinite atonement” (2 Ne 9:7). One that would enable Him to succor each of us when we feel lost, and broken before our ennobled, glorious brother.  Kuntsugi is a Japanese art of fixing broken china with gold. This repair brings to light the beauty of being broken. What a beautiful thought this is that we can all be more beautiful in our brokenness before the Lord. Those things we see as deep flaws, can be the essence of our true beauty, and our determined strength. This gives me courage to be broken before the Lord. To be raw in His presence and to trust that in this state, HE can recreate the pieces I drop at His feet.

He is best invited to come to our aid when we live our covenants and act as His people- the salt of the earth.  But what does salt and covenant keeping have to do with REAL pain, and brokenness?

Have you ever smelled the stench of burnt hair or flesh? It churns the stomach, and makes the mind reel. Yet one of my favorite smells on a walk is that of people cooking meat on grills. What is the difference between tragedy and barbeque? It is one thing SALT. This very stable compound in your cabinet can change the worst most repugnant things in life, to something so desirable that our mouths water at the very thought.

The sacrifices in the temples of old were always salted because the savour- smell- was the result of the offering to the Lord. When we allow the Savior into our lives, even the most devastating circumstances, can become ones that we savour. The pain, and sacrifices are not changed, yet under the perspective of keeping our covenants, obeying the commandments and drawing closer to our Master, the experience becomes sweet in the proximity it brings us to Him and the Father. In Doctrine and Covenants 88 the Lord asks us as His friends to come closer;

62 And again, verily I say unto you, my friends, I leave these sayings with you to ponder in your hearts, with this commandment which I give unto you, that ye shall call upon me while I am near—

63 Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

64 Whatsoever ye ask the Father in my name it shall be given unto you, that is expedient for you;

When we are striving to do our Father’s will, and consequently come closer to the Lord we are better able to communicate with the Lord. I am not just talking about praying at Heavenly Father, but dialogue that takes place when we are grasping for the Light of Christ from our darkness and pain. As we continue in faith,  the conversation becomes more intelligible, more fluent, and the process of healing commences. He has promised us to give us rest when we take His yoke upon us.(Matt. 11:28-30)

I have known the remorse, guilt and pain of many years, filled with longing for what would not be.

When I was 18 I was told by a young doctor that I should not expect to have children. The world closed in, my whole plan for my life, my dreams, and future, were burned to ashes in that one sentence. My childhood had been full of teachings of the plan of salvation, yet for me, it might just have to be a hypothesized state. Would any man even marry a barren woman?

A few years later love did come, to my even more broken soul as I divorce had dismantled  my family. Despite my love I felt that with our vows, I had sentenced him to never having children of his own, at least in this life. My heart ached, my arms reached, and spirit yearned to sing those sweet melodies to my own miracle. Yet, year after year my arms were empty, and my heart was cankered by envy, for every new mother. No matter my attempts to keep my covenants I felt that the Lord deemed me unworthy of the gift of motherhood because of my actions. Through all those years as my pride disintegrated I was slow to learn to trust my Heavenly Father’s timing.

In 2 Cor 12:7-10 we read of a vision of the great apostle Paul in heaven. It states:

7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

I was truly feeling the buffeting of Satan. The thorns seemed to pierce my very core. The prayers offered that the spiritual, physical and emotional pain would stop at some point seemed in vain...until I submitted. He knew that once I learned to trust Him-- His judgment, His timing, and His strength-- that He might be able to show me what He could do with my life. Even in my weakness, my pain, my lack of forgiving, He found a way to make every little effort I made a more savoury.  Finally, I received the peace of forgiveness. Through finally accepting the reality of Atonement of my Savior, I was able to understand that the lack of timing was not the ultimate issue, but keeping my covenants with faith and hope certainly was. His promises are sure and true, I could trust Him. So 6 years into my marriage, I was finally free to love, to forgive myself, and to become a mother to the kids who He had already put in my life.

He didn’t want to take away the thorns because they allowed me to seek Him. They allowed me to pray for help more often, to come to know Him as a Father, and learn how to be a friend to Him. That didn’t mean the thorns weren’t still there. I was still in pain more than I like to admit. The childhood family I longed for still was a mess. I had not born children to my sweetheart.  But on a cold winter’s day in the temple, I made the decision that I actually did believe in the ideals of the Plan of Happiness.

Healing for me in that moment came by degrees, some monumental ( I now and the mother to two amazing kids of my own), and some so subtle that I only saw them upon getting together with some of the women who helped bare my burdens through my dark nights.

Even with all this, the longing for what is not, can still dim and diminish the magic; and joy of celebrating the birth of the Messiah. It is not that I am not grateful for the miracles which have abounded in my life, but because of the hope that all things can be made right through Christ’s ultimate sacrifice.

Pray that those thorns you brave now will remind you of the thorns He bore then.  That they will enable you to come to know Him as your Savior. The raw feelings that threaten to burst at any moment are contrite (conterere in Anglo-french means bruised or raw). Allow our Lord and Master into the wounds of your heart, for that is what He asks for, those broken pieces. From those fragments He has promised in Ether 12 :27 that His grace is enough to make US strong. It reads:

27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

If you are having a hard time, I am sorry. You are not alone. It is my prayer that the light of Christ will allow you to see them as holy days in which the Savior of the world came to earth, through which briars we each are able to come to know our Lord and Master.

"No more a stranger, or a guest, but like a child at home"

   

This last week I got a call from a sister in our ward on a Monday morning.  First, this is a sister with whom we are well acquainted, but have little in common. So her call though welcome was unexpected. She asked me if I would take the opportunity to teach our ward's 3rd lesson on the 'Sabbath Day.' I said, "Yes" as I jump at most chances to teach. However, upon pressing for further guidance on what approach or angle the presidency wanted, was given little help. This is good and bad as it gives lots of range to find your path, but makes finding that path more of a journey in itself. 

      Later that day I was going about my day and turned on the MOTAB--just for insight this is not a typical thing in my driving line up. I have 2 small children, and the choir is something reserved for Sundays.  As I skipped past songs that just didn't fit where I was mentally, I finally stopped on 'My Shepherd shall Supply My Need.' I listened to the melody and enjoyed the setting of Pslam 23. Upon turning down the road I found myself crying listening to the  last verse of the song. Thus, the title of the post. Like a child at home caught me. I moved out of the house before I graduated from high school in Utah. From then on I have been expected to create my own home. It was my calling to set the tone and spirit for good or bad. Even upon returning from school, my whole family and world had been seemingly dissolved into some viscous fluid that was unrecognizable from the firm structure I had grown up with. Like a child at home is the smirk I have on my face when friends go home for the summer. The smirk comes because in my life there is no such place if I don't create it. The smirk is one of longing, because I wish that place existed for every child of God. The truth that there is no place to run if I fail is why I have to smirk. There is no safety net for me if I fall off the tight rope. It is either smirk or cry, because a place to just be safe without the work of making a place safe is what I think we all long for; what I want to create for my kids.

        As I continued to ask for guidance through the week the analogy was expanded further. Our Father wants to have us check in for Sunday dinner.  In our church, there is a table set before us set with the sacrament. A Father willing to give His only Begotten simply wants his other children to check in as often as possible. He wants to know how the week went. He wants to see your face, hear your voice, and enjoy your company. He longs to have you close. That is the purpose of the Sabbath, the chance to take our thoughts home, our worship to be a little closer to heaven. Sure at church there are callings (chores), siblings( ward families) that don't get along perfectly, and the task of keeping everyone in a semblance of order for 3 hours in church attire. BUT that is home. It is safe to be there--even for the one who always feels out of place.

     In my study I found that the word 'diligence' comes from Latin. the roots include: " diligere "single out, value highly, esteem, prize, love; aspire to, be content with, appreciate," originally "to pick out, select," from dis- "apart" (seedis- ) + legere "choose, gather"

     I love that when you put the root with the modern sense of the word you get something close to dutiful devotion due to the love and respect for the the subject.  That is what I hope my life can evolve to. Something that is devoted because of love. Devoted to my family, devoted to goodness, to making things a bit brighter each day because of loving those I serve. 

So until I get to that point, I will remember this Good Friday, and every other day, that it is because of His death that I can have new life each day. That I can start anew each day, and stop the world once a week to refocus on what matters most. Because of Him I have hope that not all is lost, and that there is still an aspiration in my heart to be like a child in His home forever.

My reason for trying to make a home.

Something old and Something new.

    Yes is has been years since I have opened up this page at all. It has been wonderful to focus on the miracles in my life, and to become a person I didn't think even existed. It was amusing to say the least to read my final drafted post that wisely I never posted, but even better I have become even more of the person who wrote about not wanting unsolicited advice anymore. 

Wow what a journey. 

I am now a full blooded Texan. Yes, I love it here. Yes, I where cowboy boots. And yes, I am still looking for the perfect hat to go with them;).

But what I have found in the recent years is that over and over again I get asked where I go to figure out food proportions, menus, and ideas for feeding odd or large groups of people.

I do much less of this myself, yet I love researching, playing with ideas, trends, and entertaining more and more in our own home. The patio was meant to host friends, and framily-- we don't live close to relatives, so the people who come to visit tend to be people we would rely on in any circumstance. Being to admitted introverts this is a bit of a stretch at times, but it has been a welcome one. 

So I will still put up little glimpses of life but will try and give room moms, teacher coordinators, church collaborators, and everyday moms a place to grab an idea, theme or maybe a quick recipe to help set up their next event.

WHAT HAS BEEN BIG:

This school year I have had the chance to be my little girl's room mom, and befriended the hospitality coordinator at school. What Have I done that went over well and was simple? 

Yogurt bar, or classroom Yogurt snack

I really like this menu because it can fit into so many cultures and diets. My daughters class we found a great deal on the single cups of berry flavored greek yogurt, and found a cute gluten free cereal to act as granola then viola. Easy, healthy, valentines day snack. No sugar rush. The teacher doesn't hate me for putting her class on a roller coaster for the rest of the day. 

The teacher appreciation portion was done with a serve yourself yogurt bar. 
Things to provide:
Yogurt-singles or large pretty serving bowl
berries-even frozen can work here
fresh of dried fruit
chocolate chips if wanted
granola

Make sure to put the single yogurts on ice in a larger bowl or put the large bowl of yogurt in a large bowl filled with ice. This extra step allows this buffet to be mostly unattended by you, and lets the teachers come up as they have time in the morning. Set the toppings and mix-ins up with layers, buffet style on a table cloth and some holiday appropriate doodads and ta-dah. Teachers feel loved, and you have a few hours of time to get the rest of life attended to before clean up. 

When setting up anything like this please:
1. Bring something to dispose of left-overs that have been out in the open for the serving time. Single serves can be kept and taken home.
2 Extra towels and dish rags. There will be spills. They happen. Be ready. 
Towel are so you don't end up using a whole roll of paper towels to dry off serving platters.
3. Make sure to stop for ice, and have a cooler ready to keep anything that will crowd the buffet table. Keep cold things cold and hot things hot.
4.Serve ware. Tongs, large spoons/ forks, and what have you can be brought from home or even purchased at Walmart in the wedding aisle. As long as you have cups and spoons for eating you should be covered. 
5. If you want to take into account a special dietary restriction please bring LABELS. This encourages others to leave those items alone. Furthermore, send a note, or message ahead of time letting the diners to know that accommodations have been made, so they don't avoid the occasion.

As always smile and savour.

Mrs. Brownie